Do you ever get angry for no reason? I felt I was going to explode, I was so angry. My poor family would ask "what is wrong" but that seemed to make it worst I was like a crocodile snapping at anyone who even looked my way.
O.K I really do know the reason for most of my anger and yes of coarse it was my pain level's, what I should have done was to find a cave to hide in and not see anyone but life doesn't work that way when your a wife and mum you can't just disappear.
I don't always get really angry when my pain gets bad, most times I just sit in a corner and not say much. Maybe it is partly hormonal, I really don't know, what I do know is that it's hard to control and hard not to let it take over because that's when you end up saying things you can't take back, things you don't really mean.
3 comments:
Yes I have periods of time where I feel very angry due to my pain. That time of the month is excruciating and makes the mood swings worse. When this happens I get quiet and try not to talk if I can avoid it. At first my family would ask "What is wrong?" and I'd snap at them. Then I realized, they didn't understand why I was being quiet and they were concerned and confused. So I started telling them "I am feeling really cranky today so I'm going to be quiet. I do not want to take my anger and frustration out on you and staying quiet is how I try to keep myself from doing that."
Once I told them about it and started warning them when those days arose, they understood better and did not get as concerned and pester me with constant "are you ok?" questions.
I write in my written journal when I am angry. Or I put on music that I know makes me feel good, sometimes I use headphones (if its at night) and sometimes I don't. Or I take a nice hot shower (with my shower chair) and concentrate on relaxing as I know moods, specially bad ones, make the pain worse due to extra tension in the muscles. I'll go for a drive and put on music (my favorite for this is Guns and Roses) and scream out the lyrics. I tend to be a yeller so this allows me to "yell" without hurting anyone and thus vent my frustration and anger. Sometimes I go down to the marina and just sit and watch and listen to the water with my eyes closed. (I haven't done the drive or beach one in a while since my symptoms changed after the April 2011 benefit yard sale I ran) I'll cross stitch or crochet as those are very soothing activities as well.
Your feelings are normal Leanne, they really are!
HUGS
Leanne,
Anger is a very normal and understandable result of living with chronic illness and pain.
I think everyone - healthy people included - occasionally gets angry "for no reason" (i.e. the definition of "no reason" might not be black and white since most anger actually is for a reason... It's just not always obvious precisely what reason causes the anger to erupt when and where it does).
I think that "unexplained" anger can erupt even more so for those dealing with the daily frustrations associated with chronic illness/pain.
Anger can spill out at unexpected times if it has been bottled up. It can have a cumulative effect.
Perhaps angry feelings "register internally" while in a public place (i.e. where it wasn't "safe" to vent them) and then they resurface at a later time (i.e. when it's comparatively "safer" to express them than melting down in public would have been).
Sometimes, the pain is too great to be able to expend the energy to express anger. Sometimes all of one's energy is needed to just get through the really bad pain. It may be impossible to process anger while coping with pain like that.
Like Missy, I use music to help me deal with my emotions. For me, Tori Amos is massively helpful.
What works for one person differs for what works for another - but many people find music therapeutic on multiple levels.
I use music to help me get to sleep. I listen to it every minute I'm in the car (unless a migraine is too severe for me to handle the sound), etc.
There are lots of other coping mechanisms besides music, of course, but that's an example of something that can really help sometimes.
Hang in there. I agree with Missy that your feelings are normal. Anger is a normal human emotion.
It can feel "magnified" when one is dealing with daily pain and other symptoms.
Take care,
Jeanne
Leanne,
Thinking of you!
Jeanne
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