Here comes that old familiar feeling again.

It has taken Me a little over a week to get back into writing, all though I'm finding it difficult.

It was just over a week ago that anxiety hit me hard. It has been a long time since I have felt it that bad, to be honest I had forgotten just how bad it can get.

It's hard to put into words how this anxiety feels, it is different to the normal everyday anxiety( not that having anxiety everyday is normal ), it's like a wave washing over me, stopping me in my tracks followed by a sickening feeling it the pit of my stomache, light headed, tingles all over my body, ringing in my ears and a terrible feeling of doom and that I might even die.

The last time I felt like that wasn't good I ended up in hospital, so to say I was scared is an understatement.

Why did this terrible feeling decide to pay me a visit? Well I think it's a combination of things, like the weather( rain rain go away ), increase in pain and symptoms, stress of Christmas and the big one PERFECTIONISM.

So what did I do to help ease the symptoms of anxiety?, not be hard on myself and to accept the fact that I needed to rest ( easier said than done ).

I am feeling a little better but still have a long way to go.

Remember be kind to yourself always.

Rain go away.

It has benn raining cats and dogs here. I hate it when it rains because I find that my pain is stronger and that my motivation to do anything is low. Does anyone else find their pain is stronger when it rains? My specialist did tell me that it has something to do with more pressure on the atmosphere, I am yet to look into this but I have heard of people being able to predict rain by how they feel.

I had plans last night to go out for dinner with some friends that I don't get to see very often but could not bring myself to go, to sore and to tired and then there was the fear that someone would ask how I was and I know I would have burst into tears, I didn't want to bring anyone down. Let's face it, no one wants to sit around watching a friend fall apart, it would have made it uncomfortable for my friends, and I wanted them to enjoy there night.
I do have a fear that they will stop asking me out since I rarely go, I hope they don't.

Speaking of friends, I am so happy to have my first blogging friend at http://ravenpain.blogspot.com, I have received some wonderful advice and support. It's funny how someone you have not met can have such an impact on how you feel. I always feel better when I read her comments, I guess it's that she understands what it's like to have the pain and depression and my other friends don't understand, not from lack of trying but until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you never really get it.