Self worth.

It has been a long time since my last blog entry and I'm finding it difficult to get back into it.

I am having a battle with anxiety at the moment,  I thought it was coming from nowhere as I was not thinking thoughts of "I'm useless" or "I'm fat", but when I think about it as you do with CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy ) it seems to be coming with my issues with self worth.

How do you get any self worth when

•               You don't work.
•               You can't keep your house spotless due to physical limitations
•               Your not the perfect Mother or Wife.
•               Self image.

In the past a lot of my self esteem would come from work,  I loved going to work and doing a good great job, I felt I had a purpose, if I didn't do certain things it would have an effect on other people.

I know if I don't do certain things it affects my husband or son, so why does it feel different?  Why is it that I don't feel important?  Don't get me wrong, they try to make me feel important and loved but it's not enough, I need to feel it for myself.

I feel my brain is dying, I need something stimulating.  The trouble is I don't have the self discipline to sit in front of the computer and teach myself something that I feel is interesting.

I guess I need to work on the anxiety issues I have,  but it's hard to get passed feeling anxious to work on feeling anxious, if that makes sense.

I want to scream!  Maybe I should, it might make me feel better.  No it didn't just made my throat sore.
I find it hard to sit with anxiety, I don't know why.   It can't kill me so why do I try and avoid it.

How do you deal with anxiety?

• A big thank you to Jeanne for the kind messages over the Xmas period.
• Sorry for the messy post can't  work out how to use this format.

Here comes that old familiar feeling again.

It has taken Me a little over a week to get back into writing, all though I'm finding it difficult.

It was just over a week ago that anxiety hit me hard. It has been a long time since I have felt it that bad, to be honest I had forgotten just how bad it can get.

It's hard to put into words how this anxiety feels, it is different to the normal everyday anxiety( not that having anxiety everyday is normal ), it's like a wave washing over me, stopping me in my tracks followed by a sickening feeling it the pit of my stomache, light headed, tingles all over my body, ringing in my ears and a terrible feeling of doom and that I might even die.

The last time I felt like that wasn't good I ended up in hospital, so to say I was scared is an understatement.

Why did this terrible feeling decide to pay me a visit? Well I think it's a combination of things, like the weather( rain rain go away ), increase in pain and symptoms, stress of Christmas and the big one PERFECTIONISM.

So what did I do to help ease the symptoms of anxiety?, not be hard on myself and to accept the fact that I needed to rest ( easier said than done ).

I am feeling a little better but still have a long way to go.

Remember be kind to yourself always.